Death of Desire – Breath of Acceptance

When you live with a chronic debilitating disease, you often find yourself at a crossroads.

The desire to do so much - the desertion of your body to carry that through.

It can be frustrating, even downright infuriating. It's a great lesson in acceptance - one that I struggle with, at times.

My house isn't as neat and tidy as I'd prefer. I'm not playing in the dirt, as Your Garden Nanny, would say. Nor am I currently swimming, walking or dancing through life with grace; more like moving mechanically and jerkily like a poor prototype of a robot.

Who knows why the body turns on itself? An over-protective immune system with a wonky on/off switch that wreaks havoc with joints, muscles, ligaments, organs and life.

This fall has been a trial. I've thrown everything I've had at this bugger of a disease, to seemingly, very little avail.

Sometimes you're on the crest of the wave, other times in the trough. So goes life.

At the very least, I'm able to stay afloat while in the trough. A part of me knows that this will pass, the inflammation will settle down and I can get back to a more regular lifestyle. In the meantime, I know to take extra care - to treat myself well.

Things happen over which we have no control. However, we do have control over how we react to those things that come our way. At times, it is very easy (perhaps too easy?), to just let go and sink below the surface. With stress techniques, I'm able to use them and take a breath, then another one and another.

Related post:

2 Replies to “Death of Desire – Breath of Acceptance”

  1. Hi Marianna,

    As always, you have such a poetic way of expressing thoughts, feelings and ideas. In this post, this poetic lilt begins with the vivid title, “Death of Desire – Breath of Acceptance,” which reverberates.

    Struggling with accepting frustrating physical or emotional debilitations cannot be sugar-coated. It’s both depleting and devitalizing.

    In my work consulting with and coaching job seekers, I hear the vigor drained from voices and the energy and hope sapped.

    While throwing everything at the problem seems, at times, to little avail, you stay afloat — and one of the keys here (akin to what job seekers need to remember) is taking extra care – to treat yourself well.

    Your stress techniques, I’m sure, are invaluable during this time facilitating you day by day (even hour by hour) through this out-of-your-control situation. You are, however, not letting go and sinking. You will, again, get back to a more regular lifestyle. As well, job seekers will, again, recoup their daily work life style and gain new career ground.

    Playing in the dirt again and walking/dancing will be a delightful present in your future.

    In the meantime, warmest wishes, and take GOOD care of yourself, Marianna,

  2. Jacqui,
    Words have an impact – they can harm or they can soothe, encourage and enlighten. Yours have done the latter three. Thank you.

    “…A delightful present in your future.” That is such a positive, heart-felt message. One, that when darkness descends, keeps the pilot-light burning. It’s important, even crucial, to remember that, during times of loss and infirmity.

Comments are closed.