The beliefs we hold are created by a number of factors - how we grew up, where we grew up and the experiences we've had. All of this helps to shape who we are.
I once did a presentation about changing how to effectively deal with the stressors in our life by learning to change our perception. One woman, quite adamantly, stood up to declare, "Those of us with rheumatoid arthritis are Type A personalities, don't you know!"
My reply was that I, too, was a Type A and have learned to lessen some of that "tightness" or "typeness". Hmmm, anyone catch the metaphor there?
Beliefs are not always static; they can be changed through awareness, knowledge and practice. New information and experiences can alter our beliefs.
When we are aware that we are doing certain behaviours that are no longer serving us, it is helpful to know what to do and to be able to practise those techniques, preferably in a non-stressful time, so that the learning takes hold.
As mentioned in my previous post, we will work hard, often on an unconscious level, to make ourselves right.
There are Meta Model Patterns in Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) that summarizes the ways in which we delete, distort or generalize our experiences through the language we use.
Since this post is about change, the examples below explain deletion, distortion and generalization when they are non-resourceful to the individual. Deletion, Distortion and Generalization can also be resourceful.
Deletion: Someone may compliment you on your appearance or work. You don't hear or remember the compliments; only the criticisms or complaints.
Distortion: You often engage in "mind-reading" and predict how others will react to something you say or do. You apply your own perceptions to the events around you, being quick to judge, often without adequate information
Generalization: (One that I'm currently working on!) These often begin with "You never/always..."
An airline pilot makes corrections in the flight plan with new and better information. I like to do the same. How about you?
An airline pilot makes corrections in the flight plan with new & better information. I like to do the same. You?
Yes, I try to. The pilot sees immediate results though and can judge quickly if they are good or not.
Generalisation: (One that I’m currently working on!) These often begin with “You never/always…” Or, “I should/must…”
I understand the other two, but can’t seem to grasp the meaning of this one, sorry 🙁
When you are in disagreement with someone, does it ever begin with, “You always do….”? Or, do you find yourself saying, “I can never understand that.”
These generalisations limit us – they keep us or others stuck in a certain pattern.
As for your other question, it has to do with flexibility – responding appropriately to the conditions & incoming information by doing the best you can & using the training or learning.